This post is for me. Its personal, and sad, and maybe you'd rather not read it. But if you do, I really don't mind as long as you understand that this is something I need to air to myself and this is my forum to do so.
Tree planting
Today was tree planting day at the nature reserve. I've been looking forward to this day and planting our Hazel tree. I'd found this ritual on the web and wanted to use it to bless the tree, the site and my baby girls.
In reality it didn't happen this way. I woke up flustered and grew more anxious as we neared the site. I'm surprised I have any tears left to shed, I feel like I've irrigated the entire county and all of its neighbours these past few months.
We had told my 3 year old daughter that today we would be planting a tree. As we all know, the world revolves around every toddler so my daughter obviously understood that to mean that she would be doing the planting. She picked up our precious sapling and flung it around like a majorette twirls her mace before plonking it unceremoniously into the hole, upside down. I heard my intake of breath as my heart rested in my mouth and I gasped 'be gentle'. It all turned out all right in the end, the tree was planted. My daughter helped pack the earth around the roots with her hands, as she did on the days her sisters were buried. You've got to love that girl, I''m sure she was born a healer.
The 'rabbit guard' was placed on the tree. In my minds eye, I had thought of these guards as protection against deer. Do you know how happy I was to hear that it is there to protect against rabbits, although it is hares that are a real problem for the trees? An abundance of hares, how magical :)
The picture below was taken today. A wonderful view of the Cotswolds.
The Journey
In March my baby girl was stillborn. Blindly groping around in the dark, asking for direction and place to rest our loved child, we stumbled across a green burial ground. We connected with a sensitive, healing soul who thoughtfully lined our baby's grave with twigs and flowers. If only she knew how much she touched our hearts and helped us heal.
In June, we returned for a visit. I had a kindred spirit visiting from Seattle. She has become part of family over the years so we brought here on route to the Rollright Stones. The sun was shining, the birds sang, butterflies and ladybirds blessed us with their presence and as we picnicked we felt peace in our hearts, beauty in our minds and daisy chains in our hair. It was a happy day.
We saw the plaque for the first time. I had struggled so much over choosing the right words. Many of you know that I believed I couldn't draw. During my initial period of grief this remained true in my heart. Again, this sensitive, healing lady offered her help and drew the template for Nina's plaque. I hope she knows how much she is appreciated.
On July 30th I went to hospital for tests. I was advised that the baby I was carrying was dead. It was so heartbreaking as i had a scan a few days earlier and the baby was so full of life, kicking around, moving so much. I think I'd managed to stay so strong up until this point. There had been tears, of course. But who is strong enough for this?
In September, we were ale to bury our second lost daughter. Once more, this wonderful healer and sensitive soul lined the grave with sunflower petals from her garden. This time, I made the felt myself from wool that I had dyed in blackberries. My daughter rescued a caterpillar that had fallen into the grave. Next, we placed earth gently around my baby's shroud and filled the grave up until it was full. This is something I hadn't felt able to do for Nina. It felt cleansing, a part of the ritual of healing. I've been such a mess these past months.
And a little bit of magic....
Earlier in the summer, Susan of Artspark Theatre sent me one of her travelling Alice's. We photographed Alice at the nature reserve back in June. It was the happy uplifting visit that we had to the burial ground. I'm thankful to Susan for lending us magic and bringing it to Nina.
I am blessed with a living daughter. Right now her favourite film is Princess Mononoke. A while ago, she asked me to felt her something from the film. I needle felted some tree sprites. Children of the ancient trees. To see these sprites is an indicator that the forest is healthy. Today we popped a tree baby on each of my babies graves.
In October it had been bulb planting day. We didn't make it ourselves, and once again, this magical lady to whom I have so much gratitude, planted wood anemone around my babies graves. I chose wood anemone after reading an Irish BTCV site page about how seeing wood anemone was a sign that there had once been a magnificent forest in that place. Wood anemone are now known as the ghosts of the forest.
The optimist in me hopes that if we retrace our steps and wind back time then the great forests will thrive again. With this in mind, we chose the wood anemone, and placed felt tree sprites around the graves knowing that the spirit of the forest will live again and this site will thrive.
Tree planting
Today was tree planting day at the nature reserve. I've been looking forward to this day and planting our Hazel tree. I'd found this ritual on the web and wanted to use it to bless the tree, the site and my baby girls.Tree Planting Ritual
Begin with the tree, the hole already dug, a pile of earth beside the
hole, and a bowl or watering can of water.
Stand facing East, and say:
"In recognition of the Earth my mother and of the sky my father, and of
my true source beyond all things, I ask that I may plant this tree, to
bring clear air to the blue sky, and rich soil to the dark earth.
May it grow tall and strong - its roots reaching deep into its home,
its leaves reaching ever higher towards the sun."
Hold your hands over the pile of earth and say:
"I ask that this earth might be blessed, and that it might feed and
nourish this young sapling well."
Pick up the tree and as you plant it, talk to the tree, either out loud or
silently, saying:
"May you grow fine and tall."
When it is planted, hold your hands over the water and say:
"May this water be blessed, may it refresh and sustain this young
sapling well."
Pour the water around the base of the tree, and then holding both arms
out towards the tree, say:
"In earth and water will you grow. In the air will your leaves speak as
you reach towards the fire of the sun. We respect and honour and
admire you, O tree, and all trees, for you represent both Peace and
Power though you are mighty you hurt no creature. Though you sustain
us with your breath, you will give up your life to house and warm and
teach us.
We give thanks for your blessing upon our lives and upon our lands.
May you fare well in this chosen place."
Begin with the tree, the hole already dug, a pile of earth beside the
hole, and a bowl or watering can of water.
Stand facing East, and say:
"In recognition of the Earth my mother and of the sky my father, and of
my true source beyond all things, I ask that I may plant this tree, to
bring clear air to the blue sky, and rich soil to the dark earth.
May it grow tall and strong - its roots reaching deep into its home,
its leaves reaching ever higher towards the sun."
Hold your hands over the pile of earth and say:
"I ask that this earth might be blessed, and that it might feed and
nourish this young sapling well."
Pick up the tree and as you plant it, talk to the tree, either out loud or
silently, saying:
"May you grow fine and tall."
When it is planted, hold your hands over the water and say:
"May this water be blessed, may it refresh and sustain this young
sapling well."
Pour the water around the base of the tree, and then holding both arms
out towards the tree, say:
"In earth and water will you grow. In the air will your leaves speak as
you reach towards the fire of the sun. We respect and honour and
admire you, O tree, and all trees, for you represent both Peace and
Power though you are mighty you hurt no creature. Though you sustain
us with your breath, you will give up your life to house and warm and
teach us.
We give thanks for your blessing upon our lives and upon our lands.
May you fare well in this chosen place."
In reality it didn't happen this way. I woke up flustered and grew more anxious as we neared the site. I'm surprised I have any tears left to shed, I feel like I've irrigated the entire county and all of its neighbours these past few months.We had told my 3 year old daughter that today we would be planting a tree. As we all know, the world revolves around every toddler so my daughter obviously understood that to mean that she would be doing the planting. She picked up our precious sapling and flung it around like a majorette twirls her mace before plonking it unceremoniously into the hole, upside down. I heard my intake of breath as my heart rested in my mouth and I gasped 'be gentle'. It all turned out all right in the end, the tree was planted. My daughter helped pack the earth around the roots with her hands, as she did on the days her sisters were buried. You've got to love that girl, I''m sure she was born a healer.
The 'rabbit guard' was placed on the tree. In my minds eye, I had thought of these guards as protection against deer. Do you know how happy I was to hear that it is there to protect against rabbits, although it is hares that are a real problem for the trees? An abundance of hares, how magical :)
The picture below was taken today. A wonderful view of the Cotswolds.
The Journey
In March my baby girl was stillborn. Blindly groping around in the dark, asking for direction and place to rest our loved child, we stumbled across a green burial ground. We connected with a sensitive, healing soul who thoughtfully lined our baby's grave with twigs and flowers. If only she knew how much she touched our hearts and helped us heal.
In June, we returned for a visit. I had a kindred spirit visiting from Seattle. She has become part of family over the years so we brought here on route to the Rollright Stones. The sun was shining, the birds sang, butterflies and ladybirds blessed us with their presence and as we picnicked we felt peace in our hearts, beauty in our minds and daisy chains in our hair. It was a happy day.
We saw the plaque for the first time. I had struggled so much over choosing the right words. Many of you know that I believed I couldn't draw. During my initial period of grief this remained true in my heart. Again, this sensitive, healing lady offered her help and drew the template for Nina's plaque. I hope she knows how much she is appreciated.
On July 30th I went to hospital for tests. I was advised that the baby I was carrying was dead. It was so heartbreaking as i had a scan a few days earlier and the baby was so full of life, kicking around, moving so much. I think I'd managed to stay so strong up until this point. There had been tears, of course. But who is strong enough for this?
In September, we were ale to bury our second lost daughter. Once more, this wonderful healer and sensitive soul lined the grave with sunflower petals from her garden. This time, I made the felt myself from wool that I had dyed in blackberries. My daughter rescued a caterpillar that had fallen into the grave. Next, we placed earth gently around my baby's shroud and filled the grave up until it was full. This is something I hadn't felt able to do for Nina. It felt cleansing, a part of the ritual of healing. I've been such a mess these past months.
And a little bit of magic....
Earlier in the summer, Susan of Artspark Theatre sent me one of her travelling Alice's. We photographed Alice at the nature reserve back in June. It was the happy uplifting visit that we had to the burial ground. I'm thankful to Susan for lending us magic and bringing it to Nina.
I am blessed with a living daughter. Right now her favourite film is Princess Mononoke. A while ago, she asked me to felt her something from the film. I needle felted some tree sprites. Children of the ancient trees. To see these sprites is an indicator that the forest is healthy. Today we popped a tree baby on each of my babies graves.In October it had been bulb planting day. We didn't make it ourselves, and once again, this magical lady to whom I have so much gratitude, planted wood anemone around my babies graves. I chose wood anemone after reading an Irish BTCV site page about how seeing wood anemone was a sign that there had once been a magnificent forest in that place. Wood anemone are now known as the ghosts of the forest.
The optimist in me hopes that if we retrace our steps and wind back time then the great forests will thrive again. With this in mind, we chose the wood anemone, and placed felt tree sprites around the graves knowing that the spirit of the forest will live again and this site will thrive.
