Tree Planting - The journey, a ritual, and a little bit of magic

This post is for me. Its personal, and sad, and maybe you'd rather not read it. But if you do, I really don't mind as long as you understand that this is something I need to air to myself and this is my forum to do so.

Tree planting

Today was tree planting day at the nature reserve. I've been looking forward to this day and planting our Hazel tree. I'd found this ritual on the web and wanted to use it to bless the tree, the site and my baby girls.

Tree Planting Ritual

Begin with the tree, the hole already dug, a pile of earth beside the
hole, and a bowl or watering can of water.

Stand facing East, and say:

"In recognition of the Earth my mother and of the sky my father, and of
my true source beyond all things, I ask that I may plant this tree, to
bring clear air to the blue sky, and rich soil to the dark earth.
May it grow tall and strong - its roots reaching deep into its home,
its leaves reaching ever higher towards the sun."

Hold your hands over the pile of earth and say:

"I ask that this earth might be blessed, and that it might feed and
nourish this young sapling well."

Pick up the tree and as you plant it, talk to the tree, either out loud or
silently, saying:

"May you grow fine and tall."

When it is planted, hold your hands over the water and say:

"May this water be blessed, may it refresh and sustain this young
sapling well."

Pour the water around the base of the tree, and then holding both arms
out towards the tree, say:

"In earth and water will you grow. In the air will your leaves speak as
you reach towards the fire of the sun. We respect and honour and
admire you, O tree, and all trees, for you represent both Peace and
Power though you are mighty you hurt no creature. Though you sustain
us with your breath, you will give up your life to house and warm and
teach us.

We give thanks for your blessing upon our lives and upon our lands.
May you fare well in this chosen place."

In reality it didn't happen this way. I woke up flustered and grew more anxious as we neared the site. I'm surprised I have any tears left to shed, I feel like I've irrigated the entire county and all of its neighbours these past few months.

We had told my 3 year old daughter that today we would be planting a tree. As we all know, the world revolves around every toddler so my daughter obviously understood that to mean that she would be doing the planting. She picked up our precious sapling and flung it around like a majorette twirls her mace before plonking it unceremoniously into the hole, upside down. I heard my intake of breath as my heart rested in my mouth and I gasped 'be gentle'. It all turned out all right in the end, the tree was planted. My daughter helped pack the earth around the roots with her hands, as she did on the days her sisters were buried. You've got to love that girl, I''m sure she was born a healer.

The 'rabbit guard' was placed on the tree. In my minds eye, I had thought of these guards as protection against deer. Do you know how happy I was to hear that it is there to protect against rabbits, although it is hares that are a real problem for the trees? An abundance of hares, how magical :)

The picture below was taken today. A wonderful view of the Cotswolds.


The Journey


In March my baby girl was stillborn. Blindly groping around in the dark, asking for direction and place to rest our loved child, we stumbled across a green burial ground. We connected with a sensitive, healing soul who thoughtfully lined our baby's grave with twigs and flowers. If only she knew how much she touched our hearts and helped us heal.



In June, we returned for a visit. I had a kindred spirit visiting from Seattle. She has become part of family over the years so we brought here on route to the Rollright Stones. The sun was shining, the birds sang, butterflies and ladybirds blessed us with their presence and as we picnicked we felt peace in our hearts, beauty in our minds and daisy chains in our hair. It was a happy day.


We saw the plaque for the first time. I had struggled so much over choosing the right words. Many of you know that I believed I couldn't draw. During my initial period of grief this remained true in my heart. Again, this sensitive, healing lady offered her help and drew the template for Nina's plaque. I hope she knows how much she is appreciated.


On July 30th I went to hospital for tests. I was advised that the baby I was carrying was dead. It was so heartbreaking as i had a scan a few days earlier and the baby was so full of life, kicking around, moving so much. I think I'd managed to stay so strong up until this point. There had been tears, of course. But who is strong enough for this?

In September, we were ale to bury our second lost daughter. Once more, this wonderful healer and sensitive soul lined the grave with sunflower petals from her garden. This time, I made the felt myself from wool that I had dyed in blackberries. My daughter rescued a caterpillar that had fallen into the grave. Next, we placed earth gently around my baby's shroud and filled the grave up until it was full. This is something I hadn't felt able to do for Nina. It felt cleansing, a part of the ritual of healing. I've been such a mess these past months.


And a little bit of magic....


Earlier in the summer, Susan of Artspark Theatre sent me one of her travelling Alice's. We photographed Alice at the nature reserve back in June. It was the happy uplifting visit that we had to the burial ground. I'm thankful to Susan for lending us magic and bringing it to Nina.

I am blessed with a living daughter. Right now her favourite film is Princess Mononoke. A while ago, she asked me to felt her something from the film. I needle felted some tree sprites. Children of the ancient trees. To see these sprites is an indicator that the forest is healthy. Today we popped a tree baby on each of my babies graves.

In October it had been bulb planting day. We didn't make it ourselves, and once again, this magical lady to whom I have so much gratitude, planted wood anemone around my babies graves. I chose wood anemone after reading an Irish BTCV site page about how seeing wood anemone was a sign that there had once been a magnificent forest in that place. Wood anemone are now known as the ghosts of the forest.

The optimist in me hopes that if we retrace our steps and wind back time then the great forests will thrive again. With this in mind, we chose the wood anemone, and placed felt tree sprites around the graves knowing that the spirit of the forest will live again and this site will thrive.

Blackberries

I just heard...

A girl...

So many preparations

for

this

too many times...

Broken heart.

Thoughts

The following post is a copy of an email dialogue that has resulted from the article 'The tree of life is growing - DIY Burial'. I am posting the contents of the emails (with permission of the sender) as I feel they raise some very interesting issues. At the end of this month Junes articles will be archived and this article will fall directly below the original article in the section of DIY burials.

Dear Jasmine,

I was extremely moved by your writing about the loss of your child. I cannot say that I can empathise since I am a man,not a mother, and moreover have no children. Nevertheless, I can sympthasize - a dear friend of mine lost her boy in a terrible car accident when he was about 19years old, in his healthiest and most optimistic years. I could feel her pain.

Anyhow, I found your story because I am involved in trying to develop a new concept for green cemeteries, similar to what exists already and yet with significant differences. Much of what you said about why you chose a woodland cemetery for your child resonates very deeply with me.

My only reservation concerns the memorialisation used in green or woodland cemeteries. Trees are beautiful and of all beings on the earth probably man's best and most faithful friend. They have provided us shelter, fuel, clothing, food, and spiritual help throughout our existence as a species. And they can also be wonderful symbols of life continuing through death - as they bloom and grow new leaves after every winter.

And yet they too are mortal - and in the current world, that is particularly true. Who knows how long a tree will be allowed to live, or protected in order that it may thrive. Nature also takes trees away from us through disease etc. And even being located in parks and woodland cemeteries is no guarantee anymore.

Last week I was particularly disturbed by a story about a stolen bulldozer being run through a woodland cemetery somewhere in England, uprooting trees and GPS markers. When I read your story, I had to imagine again the trauma for those who had planted trees above the remains of their loved ones in this cemetery.

My point is that I believe a tree alone is not a sufficient marker for those who believe in leaving an eternal sign of the life of a loved one. But a tree with a durable marker next to it would guarantee that a memory remains for generations, if not centuries. I would like a beautifully weathered old boulder, with a simple engraving of the name, next to an oak seedling which would hopefully grow for many centuries.

Generally speaking, the existence of these markers would also guarantee the long term existence of the woodland cemetery much better than only trees. The question is only about not disturbing the natural setting with ugly pretentious monuments.

I wish you a wonderful life with your daughter and a never-dying memory of the soul of your other child who returned so quickly to where she came from.

Thomas

PS If you are interested, I try to promote my ideas on http://perpetuasgarden.org


Dear Thomas,

Thank you for your email, the content gave me a lot to think about. The posted article was actually the second draft. I lost the first copy, I still hope I'll find it somewhere on my laptop.

The first draft was a lot more environmental and political too, it went into detail about creating SSSI's, environmental stewardship, European and UK protections of endangered species. I also went into how that is not enough to protect the animals or the land. I mentioned Twyford Down, the Tribe of the Donga's and how that was not enough to stop the road being built through it. I discussed badgers, how they are a protected species yet as they are considered a TB threat they are now culled in the UK.

I also mentioned that a friend of mine who did research for the Woodland Trust many years ago, found that sheep were being herded into covetts in ancient Welsh woodland to shelter on the evening. This meant that no new saplings were growing under the canopies and when the trees died in 50 years time (or before) then the forest would too if action was not taken to restore the forests.

I was trying to encourage people to use as many laws of the land as possible in conjunction with each other to gain maximum protection for the site and help it thrive.

After all, if being a protected species, lying on hallowed land or being a site of ancient archaeological interest as well as an SSSI in themselves do not provide protection then we need to think smarter to protect our loved ones and our beautiful earth.

If an estimated 25% of the entire human population is alive today, and each planted one tree in a maintained site, well, the possibilities are exciting.

I would like your permission to post the content of your email to the comments below the article as I really like the raising of issues the content provides. Of course if you are not comfortable with this I will respect your privacy.

Thank you again for sending the email.

Kind regards,

Jasmine

Hi Jasmine,

You can certainly post it with your article - I would be happy if you could include my web site address.

I fully agree that if sites are disturbed despite all the legal impediments, then we need other solutions. You should understand that I come at this primarily from the point of view of the eternal peace of the cemetery and secondarily from the environmental concerns. In fact I have an idea that does reconcile the two and it involves using land that is intrinsically resistant to development of any kind - that is, it is naturally protected and does not require (ineffective) legal protection.

These lands are also in need of environmental rehabilitation, which would happen with the green cemetery. Thus the land is rehabilitated and a truly eternal cemetery is created in one process. The key is the type of land that is used - and that is something I am keeping confidential except to partners. There is too high a risk of the idea being swiped and misused merely for profit.

You may also add the above paragraphs to the article comments if you like.

Regards,

Thomas
http://perpetuasgarden.org

The tree of life is growing

The DIY Green Burial Guide

Recently, my second daughter was stillborn 27 weeks into the pregnancy. Life is full of quirky little ways. Some might say that at least I have one child, I should count my blessings, and they’d be right. I’m not sure I’d have pulled through without the youthful magic that my daughter spills into my life. Others might say that in having a child already I am now painfully aware of the lost future, every depth of emotion and love that accompanies motherhood, the bottomless fountain of joy that each and every child brings, and they’d be right too.

Loss of any loved one, or pet, can be amongst the most traumatic of experiences you may ever have to face. For me outliving my child was incomprehensible. I couldn’t maintain the simplest of daily tasks, yet I couldn’t sit back and allow others to take control of my baby’s final arrangements either. As painful as it was, I clung onto every process and was not able to delegate even the smallest of details to another. That is how it had to be, for me. Death affects us all differently and I accept that my way is just that, my way. We each have our own ways of dealing with things.

So, where do you begin in making arrangements for death? It’s a hard question to answer. We all have preconceptions of what a funeral will involve, personal tastes spiritual beliefs, location, burial or cremation? Plaque or tree? But I found these are things I had only briefly considered in the past, I had not ever given any real thought to it, and when I began, WHOOSH! I was hit by a tidal wave of personal choices, ethical questions, and maternal needs.

Because I have felt my way through this process blindly, learning through trial and error, I thought it may be of help if I shared some of the questions, decisions and ethical considerations that I faced along my way. I hope to help others that find themselves having to plan a funeral and are wondering how to go about it in an environmentally friendly way.

Where would my baby rest?
I am a spiritual person but do not follow the doctrines of any of the major faiths, so I guess a churchyard or crematorium would not sit well with me. Furthermore, I find myself with the dilemma of these transient times. Will I still be living in this town in 6 months? 1 year? 1 decade? I hope not!

So, if not in the hallowed ground of a major faith in the town I reside, where will my baby lie? In a panic, I did consider Christian route, but you know, when I delved into the possibilities available to me I found myself staring at news articles discussing the Health & Safety lunacy of local council’s, tales of topple testing, constant renewal of plots or the danger of your loved one being dug up to make way for a new body, tombstones cast aside, vandalism, desecration of graves. I heard myself screaming NO! Not for my baby girl!

I found my own ethical and spiritual beliefs naturally leaning me towards the path of a green burial. I looked for a site. I managed to find an online list from ‘The Natural Death Handbook’ and located a few places within reasonable distance of my home.

So, now I had settled on where, the question became how?

Burial or cremation?
I had always naturally assumed that when my time came, I would like to be cremated. As a child I had not relished the thought of being eaten by worms, becoming a scary looking skeleton, with age worn teeth, elongated finger nails and wisps or hair clinging to the skull. In my late teens, early twenties, I romantically envisioned that when my time came I would be cremated and ashes cast to the wind of place of outstanding beauty, becoming one with the elemental dances of life.

However, cremation didn’t feel right, not for my baby girl. As I mentioned above, I was an emotional mess, finding the weekly shopping too difficult to complete. Cremation just seemed like one more unnecessary process, one more added complication in an overcomplicated world. I craved for the simplicity that would bring my daughter one step closer to nature. I also had nightmares of the ashes that would be returned to me being a makeup of more than one body; I worried that she would not be complete. As I said, I was clinging onto every piece of my daughter for dear life.

There were the ethical pros and con’s of whether the energy required to cremate a body was compensated for by the space factor. I didn’t need to worry too much about that. Burying a stillborn babe would not take up much more space than an urn full of ashes. Besides, my baby was going to be buried in the countryside where the space criterion is not as high on the agenda as in city plots. My baby would provide rich nutrient for the earth. She could nurture the nature that will in turn protect her and that which she will become a part.

Another question that I stumbled across when making my decision was whether or not burial is safe for a diseased body? I have found research that suggests it is. The earth is a natural cleanser. I am not an authority on this however; you may wish to research this yourself.

There is no right or wrong here, only personal choices.

My baby was buried and did not go through any processes of embalmment. She was buried in her natural state. Something you may need to consider if you would like to have a green burial is whether or not the body will need to be prepared, i.e. removal of pacemakers, prosthetic limbs, fillings etc. You may find that green burial grounds differ in their conditions for the use of the plot. There may be some issues around the embalming process that may prevent you from securing a plot in green burial grounds. It is best to be prepared for this possibility and discuss this with the burial ground prior to cremation/embalmment etc.

So, my baby was to be buried in a green burial site in a rural location the question now became what would she be buried in?


Coffin, Urn, Pod, Box or Shroud?
There are a number of options out there that cater for every taste and whim. If you wish to pursue a green burial you will need to pay attention to the regulations of the site. Green burial sites generally maintain that the coffin, urn, box or shroud should be organic, chemical free, biodegradable and locally sourced. The site will most probably be able to sign post you to suppliers in your area, if not, a list of some suppliers can be found in the free online page of ‘The Natural Death handbook’.

I chose a felt burial shroud fashioned in the shape of a leaf. Personal choices. I found that the choices I made became part of the healing power of processes. Poring over every detail, weighing up all the options distracted my mind, and when the funeral was over, the beauty of the end results, the love integrated into every stage of the arrangements provided some comfort.


Do I use a Funeral Director?
I chose not to, partly because I was conscious of costs (although I have now been advised that most funeral directors won’t charge for a child), but mostly because I could not let go. I needed to do it all myself.

There is no right or wrong answer here and certainly there are many benefits to using a director. For example, funeral directors have their own Chapel of Rest. This makes things much easier to view the body before the funeral. The hospital morgue where my baby was held prior to the funeral twins as the forensic department for the entire West Midlands Police. This means that every dead body found by the police is brought to that hospital. This has a huge impact upon the time demands placed upon the morgue staffs, which in turn places restrictions upon the visiting of loved ones.

A funeral director can shield you from so me of the unpleasant questions you may not be prepared for. The director can request the release of the body and transport the body to the funeral site. There are legal questions to consider here.

You do not however need to use a funeral director if you do not wish to. Some graveyards, crematoriums or funeral retailers will encourage you to or insist upon making arrangements via a director, but this tends to be more out of a sense of loyalty between established business relationships than an inflexible requirement. Some business retailers feel more comfortable dealing with a director than with a bereaved individual or group of parties.

What might you be asked if you choose not to use a funeral director?
Let us begin with the obvious. Obvious on hindsight that is, these questions completely threw me off guard and caused me pain. I am operating here in the spirit of fore warned is fore armed.

The basic thing that the place of burial will need to know is how big is the body? The required measurements will need to include the length, width and depth of the coffin, casket, box etc.

If the body is to be buried, then the retailer of the shroud, wicker basket, cardboard box, ecopod etc will need to know the measurements of the body in order to make the correct size. Depending upon the size of the retailer or the age of the body you may find that the body will fall neatly into small, medium, large categories. The size may affect the price.

If the body is to be cremated you may find this question is not an issue as urns are often come in standardised sizes.

There will also be the questions of registering the death, providing the correct legal paperwork to release the body, transport it and finally intern it. These things are relatively straight forward but can be rather cold and clinical and may be upsetting for the loved ones faced with making the arrangements. You may decide that this is something that you need to do yourself or that you prefer to let a funeral director take care of these matters for you.


Registering the birth, death, stillbirth
This is one of the first things you should think of doing. Differing cultures and/or circumstances may dictate when the funeral shall take place. The body cannot be released from the morgue until the death has been registered. Upon registration of death you will be issued with a certificate that must be shown to the hospital as a legal requirement. You will then need to provide this certificate to the grave yard/ crematorium/ green burial ground prior to the body being interned. This is a legal requirement.
Other legal requirements
In order to transport the body to your home/Chapel of Rest/ funeral directors/ and/or place of interment/burial you must follow the stipulations of the Transport Regulations Acts. Essentially this means that the body must be contained in a sturdy container preferably that locks. The reason for this is to prevent the opening of a police investigation if the transport vehicle is involved in an accident whilst transporting the body. The hospital, morgue or Chapel of Rest ill not be able to release the body unless they are satisfied that you will be able to transport the body appropriately.

I was advised that because I intended to bury my daughter in a felt shroud which would not meet he requirement of the transport regulations, I may wish to consider transporting my daughters body in a large Tupperware storage box similar to my recycling box.

Financial help
Depending upon your household income, the circumstances of the death, the age of the deceased and the capabilities f your family and friends, you may just find that there is a lot more financial support available to you than you initially thought. There are government grants, as mentioned above, some hospitals and funeral directors will not charge to make the arrangements for a child if you are happy with the option they provide. I will be posting some web links for useful sites below, some of which will signpost to government grant application forms. It would be advisable to read through the guidance prior to paying money as there may restrictions on being reimbursed.

A legacy of love
So, now that I had waded through the nitty-gritty of the fundamental choices and legal requirements I found myself able to focus on the pleasanter aspects, the more therapeutic and healing side of planning and arranging a funeral.

I had now to consider the words of the service, the spiritual faith, the music, poetry, prose, plaque, balloons, flowers, bulbs, seeds, tree, woodland or meadow… All these things I pored over endlessly, thoroughly immersing myself into the beauty, sanctity, symbolism of nature, the language of flowers.

As I considered which memorial tree to choose, I learned of the ecosystems attached to each. The hazel supports 3 different types of bee, 5 types of moth, woodpecker, dormouse, red squirrels, fiery milk mushroom or hazel milk-cap (Lactarius pyrogalus), lichen. The dog rose, supports the bank vole, blackbird, bullfinch, common malachite beetle, fieldfare, greenfinch, grey squirrel, mistle thrush, oedemera nobilis, eedwing, song thrush, waxwing, wood mouse and yellow-necked mouse.

I began to allow myself to daydream about th e future beauty of the nature reserve, musing over the differing taste and cultures of each individual buried at the site. One family may choose oak, another ash, myself hazel, snakeshead frattilarys, snowdrops, maybe next year the bird cherry or dog rose. What a rich tapestry of diversity of species the future would behold.

I looked up the native species using the National History Museum post code finder ,learning all about the natural ecology of the area. Each discovery lending me a soothing balm of distraction. I imagined my daughter becoming one with the land, moon gazing with hare, mingling with badger, leaping with deer, flying with skylark. The earth, rain and animals would protect her.

I dreamed of a future where my baby’s resting ground would not only achieve nature reserve status but would become a SSSI, an area of outstanding natural beauty, inhabited by protected endangered species, a place of inspiration to artist and poet alike. I felt the healing, inspirational power of this legacy of love giving peace to our future generations.

And later, on the day of the service, as Catholic, Pagan, Buddhist and Christian stood side by side to honour my daughter I realised the power of nature can offer so much more. Nature transcends religion yet remains revered and encompassed by all. We live in an age where we strive to breakdown cultural barriers, embrace diversity, promote equality, end segregation and promote peace, yet rarely are we laid to rest together. A green burial ground can become a place of harmony and peace for all culture, religions and race.

Just remember that death is not the end
For the tree of life is growing
Where the spirit never dies
[Nick Cave and The Bad seeds]

http://naturalburial.coop/
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Diol1/DoItOnline/DG_4017717
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/womanshour/04/2009_10_thu.shtml
www.bellacouche.com

www.iocf.org.uk
www.reefnewmedia.co.uk
http://www.naturaldeath.org.uk/
http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/family_parent/family/what_to_do_after_a_death.htm

http://www.nhm.ac.uk/nature-online/life/plants-fungi/postcode-plants/